Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Mommy of an Angel ~ From the archives, this one can't be written twice...


I miss her terribly today.  Some days I feel her everywhere, and I mean everywhere.  She will somehow pop up in something I do.  My kids think I am crazy when I tell them that, "Lily was here today."  It's okay though, someday when they have a family of their own I know they will understand my craziness ;)

It's the little things that keep me sane; hearing someone say her name, seeing a butterfly hover around until it finally gets "noticed,"  the amazing pink sunrise that graces us some mornings...and my sweet children's faces.  I always wonder which one she would have looked like the most. 

Other times I feel like she is a million miles away, I feel like she didn't even exist. That's right, I.said.it...out.loud.  It's so difficult for other people to comprehend the rawness of our grief when they didn't experience her like we did.  We are the only ones that know - the only ones that feel the depth of her loss every.single.day.  Don't get me wrong I know people care, and I am eternally grateful for that.


Each day we move "forward" in our journey of grief and healing.  We move forward to being one day closer to seeing who she actually looks like, who she sounds like, who she really is. 

This photo speaks volumes.  Really, really look at it - sometimes the pain brings us to our knees, literally...

~just imagine her secretly touching us and healing us...

~just imagine her being here every second of every day...

~quietly letting us know that it's okay...

And that one day we will see her again and all of our questions will be answered...

1 comments:

Tracey Valvo said...

Hi April, Today was really hard for me. John Francis would gave been 12yrs old today. I wonder too who he would look like, act like . I wonder if he would be playing soccer or baseball. Yes it has been 12yrs but the pain and loss is still so strong. Sometimes I don't think I will ever get to a better place. The twins are my blessing and they have made me and John stronger. But then I think how a wonderful big brother he would have been. Your post is so strong and true. I spent most of the day today curled up under a blanket. Thank you for posting. It really does help. Tracey

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